Why I want to be a doctor

This is a question I've asked myself countless times last quarter. This would be a typical conversation I would have with myself:

I would have a histology and anatomy exam coming up, but man this get so hard! What innervates the abdominal organs? What are the neurotransmitters? What path does pain sensation travel as opposed to non pain? What about the arters? Oh, and tell me the levels too. What about that dermatome? Wait wait wait, you are spending too much time on anatomy now, you have to give histology some time, because you still can't tell the difference between fundic stomach and the duodenum. And you still can't tell me where microvilli are found, and what chief cells secrete, and where the cysterna chyli drains into. And you still can't tell me what red pulp looks like, nor can you tell me the difference between 3 tonsils and where they are found. Oh, look at the clock, it's almost 3 am. Sleep? What sleep? You gotta be able to know all this information like the back of your hand, because if you can't spit it out at will, then the exam will eat you. You know Oh yea, and the exam is in 4 hours. Time, what do you mean "where did it go?" Yes, you spent a lot of time studying, and yes you studied hard, but bad news my friend... you studied too slow.

And about this time I would ask myself the golden question... WHY AM I HERE? Why am I doing this? Ladies, for anyone interested in going into medicine, listen to my words carefully. You need to ask yourself Why you want to be a doctor. And it has to be a real answer. And you have to want it. The desire has to burn inside of you, deep in the pit of your gut, it drives you when you have every desire to turn around. That fire has to be strong, because there will be many many dark moments on your path in getting those letters after your name.

There are two sides to doctoring: The art of Medicine, and the Science of Medicine. One can deduce what I am referring to just by the names of these terms. Many people have probably commented "You would make a good doctor" or "You have the look of a doctor." Maybe the way you treat others, maybe the way you listen, your critical thinking, your care and compassion, something about you exuded the aura of a health care professional. But children, never forget that the art of medicine is only half the equation. The other half - the science of medicine - is what separates people. This requires more than just reading stories, or watching TV shows and episodes of Scrubs and ER and Gray's Anatomy. It requires isolating yourself from the rest of the world - from your friends from your family from those who care about you, and surround yourself with people who sat down to study before you came, and who remain studying even after you leave. It requires single-minded focus at the task at hand, focus that drives away all thoughts of sleep and anything else that won't help you know your material inside and out. It requires staying awake late into the night when the masses of humanity are asleep, and waking up early, to roll out of bed andmake your way to your study chair before even thinking so you don't have time to change your mind for a few extra hours of sleep. It requires staying seated anywhere from 4 - 7 hours a day being lectured on material so dense, that every second seems like the professor is trying to set a world record on how much material they can cover. And to commit one hour of lecture to memory takes around 3 hours of time outside of class. This is the science of medicine.

During the first 2 years of medical school, it is about 9% academic classroom learning - the science of medicine. The 2nd two years are called rotations in which a student spends anywhere from 4 to 8 weeks at different fields of medicine (such as family practice, internal medicine, emergency room, anesthesia, radiology, psychiatry, etc) where the student learns a lot of application and the art of being a doctor. For a lot of people during these first two years, life gets really bleak and dull, and we constantly say and think I don't want to be here I want to go home. It's because we don't get to much exposure to why we wanted to be a doctor in the first place. We memorize so much information and deep down we think to ourselves "I will NEVER use this in my practice, what is the point?" And that undermines our sincerety and our quality and dedication to the sciences. The only reason why we study it so hard is so we do well on our board exams, so we can place into the residency of our choosing.

But today my friends, I expirienced something that was magical, something electrical, something that charged me up and reminded me why I wanted to be a doctor.

I made a committment to myself that I would insha Allah go and attend every single class this quarter. So far I missed 15 minutes of OMM lecture on Wednesday because it was at 1:30 and I took a nap and overslept but I ran to class as quick as possible. And today I missed all of the last hour of Anatomy because it conflicted with Jummah time. But Friday mornings are always a drag because Friday morning at 8 AM is Psychiatry - Human Behavior. About 70% of students believe it's a waste of time, so they don't go to class. Their either sleep in or study another subject on their own. But for me, it seems fundamentally flawed that skipping classes would result in me doing better in medical school. Anyways, I was a little late in waking up this morning, so I had to rush to class quickly without showering (or waking up fully for that matter) and I figured I would do all that in the break. So I go to Human Behavior and it was good. Then comes Biochem which was a grind. Then came Physiology, which was also a grind. Now by this time it is 11 oclock, I have to use the bathroom, I wanna go to sleep, and I want to shower, and I keep telling myself that ok at the next hour I will go back home, screw this plan of mine, I need to freshen up, blah blah blah. But for some reason Alhamdulillah I stayed in my chair. Now once it hit 11 oclock it was the point of no return because I had physiology workshop which was mandatory. And I totally did not want to go. But I didn't have a choice, so I went. One last hour before break...

So I get there, not knowing what to expect, not caught up with my readings so I know I won't be able to contribute anything, and definitly not in the mood for any workshop/lab/interactive discussion of any sort. I get to the room and its full of all these up beat hyper people because later on is the white coat ceremony and those room sizes are small so everyone starts talking to each other and man I just want to be alone I don't have time to deal with other people. Then the facilitator comes in with this english accent and starts talking about how we need to get into our groups, read the case, and develope a bunch of questions about what we don't know, and figure out the problem. So I get into my group and subhan Allah, of like the 25 kids in the class, the 4 people who were in my group were like the only 4 who were quiet, serious people. So we spend a few minutes reading the case, and from that point onwards, I started to really enjoy it. I uploaded our case in backwards order (all marked up from my notes) . What I want you to do is read this case and try to figure out what happened (and ignore my notes). What would your diagnosis be?

I'll continue this post after I get some comments ;-) Umar Khokhar I expect great responses from you.