War

Yesterday we had 2 exams, Anatomy and Histology back to back. We've done that before last quarter a few times and usually it wasn't too bad. What made it so bad this time was we had a biochemistry exam on Monday, so like all of last weekend we were doing biochem (which was brutal - my God...) so essentially those of us who are not the top 5% of the class who dont think and plan lightyears ahead had 3 nights to study for an anatomy and histology exam. Now after winter break I've been trying my best to develope my work and study ethic (despite it going against the title of this blog) by trying to focus and study at home in my little study room. I mean it worked for a few exams... i mean I passed... but for the biochem exam the results were catastrophic. So Monday after the exam I lay in my bed thinking about how life feels like it sucks (cuz in reality it doesn't suck Alhamdulillah) and how screwed I am for the next double header exam. Then I said ok.. rule #1.. study in the library. No buts, no ifs, juuussssst shut up and go to the library to do any amount of studying. I looked at the material that was going to be covered and I said I basicaly need to cover 7-8 pages a day and I should be able to survive. So that Monday night I got to the library at 6 pm and grinded till midnight until I finished my quota for the night. I was feeling pretty good.

The next day I got off class at 2 and man I felt like a millionaire cuz I had 2 until midnight of time to spend at the library! So I study and study and then around 4 I start taking breaks... then at 5 I start losing the momentum... then at 6 I go out to play basketball.. and at 7 I want to drop out of school. From 7 - 10 I was out of it (Sadaf was at her master's class at this time) and when I finally got back to the library and got my head together it was 10 oclock and only churned out 2 hours. So I turned a potentially 10 hour work day into 5 hours. I went from potentially being ahead of schedule to grossly behind schedule.

To make a long story short, Wednesday I didn't get done with going over all the material for a first time until around 11 PM. Going over material once essentially means you don't know Jack.

The library was a war zone, and every single one of us was preparing for war. The trashcans were stacked with starbucks cups and energy drinks and ppl were in every chair and desk and sofa and every study room and every reserve book and model was checked out and good God it was insane. The boundaries between night and day dissappeared. Fun times.. fun times...

After the exam I seriously wanted to kill myself. Not because I was depressed or because I felt like crap or because of any emotional issues. It just seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I slaved away for so long just for an exam with 60 questions, a large chunk of which I was unsure about.. I frequently feel like I am not good at anything in life, so I thought I should do humanity a favor and just end it now.

Well I just got the results back and Alhamdulillah I passed both exams, and I did better than I thought I would do in Histology, which is perfect because I needed to do better in Histo to pull that grade up. So the moral of the story is, if you feel like you failed an exam and you want to kill yourself; don't. Wait till you get the results and make sure you failed first before you do it.

And remember all that crap I said about not asking people for dua? Disregard it and make dua for me. Thanks.